Poem: Body Apology

Maddie Giardina–student, blogger, and eating disorder warrior–writes a letter to her body.

Dear body, you’ve been through a lot.

I’m sorry for making you grow up too fast.

I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate you enough.

I’m sorry the beautiful intricacies-all your mechanics perfectly synchronized-never struck me as the wonder it is.

I’m sorry I never saw your scars, freckles, birthmarks, and bruises as anything less than trademarks.

I’m sorry for not heeding the advice of others. I’m sorry for taking compliments such as, “you are so beautiful,” as permission to continue to deprive, overwork, and manipulate you in ways I never should have.

I’m sorry for not saying yes when others asked me if anything was wrong-if I needed help.

I’m sorry for forcing your voice back down your throat when you were worried about our health. I should’ve listened better.

I’m sorry for categorizing your hunger and exhaustion as weakness and cowardice.

I’m sorry for forcing you to keep your spine so straight for hours at a time, forcing you to hold it in, for never thinking you were good enough.

I’m sorry for thinking of you as an object, a vessel.

I’m sorry for treating you as a decoration- ornamenting you in ways to draw attention. I only did this to bring the attention away from myself when I exposed you. I could hide my thoughts behind your skin.

I’m sorry for forcing you to sit uncomfortably in clothes too small, skirts too short, necklines too low just to keep myself from having to speak.

I’m sorry for the world.

I’m sorry you found all the wrong people in it.

I’m sorry I allowed them to influence you so much. You were beautiful to me long before they said so.

I’m sorry your looking glass got so clouded, all you could see was the blurred lines of others, unable to differentiate the silhouette of the angels from the devil.

I’m sorry I forced you to do things you did not enjoy for my own gain. It was not fair of me to expect that sort of perfection.

I'm sorry I allowed you to be looked at as a plaything, a ragdoll, something to be disposed of when it was outgrown. You are so much more than that even if I wasn’t always able to see it. It may be too late to counteract the damage that has been inflicted on your structures but I pray that it is not too late to offer my apologies. I hope you can still accept them.

Check out Maddie's YouTube channel.

#poem #bodyimage #eatingdisorder